


The Poké Witch

by Kyarorain



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-07
Updated: 2010-07-07
Packaged: 2017-10-11 15:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyarorain/pseuds/Kyarorain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ash, Misty and Brock are investigating the rumours of a mysterious being known only as the Poké Witch. What will they find?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Poké Witch

*A camera is swinging wildly around and random scenery flashes by complete with blurry shots of Misty and Brock*

Misty: Ash! What are you doing?

Ash: I'm just seeing if this works. Is it on?

Misty: Yes, Ash, it's on...

Brock: *is poring over a magazine* Ooh, Officer Jenny looks so hot in that bikini.

Ash: How do I zoom? Like this? *zooms in on Pikachu's face*

Pikachu: Pika!

Misty: Brock, this isn't the time to be reading magazines. Ash, let Brock have the camera.

Ash: Man, this thing has so many buttons. What do they do?

Brock: *puts away magazine* Okay, Ash, I'll take the camera.

Ash: Oh, okay. *steps in front of camera and waves* Hi, Mom!

Misty: *sigh* Is anyone really going to watch this?

Brock: Okay, why don't you two explain what we're filming today?

Misty: For some bizarre reason, we're going to explore and look for...

Ash: The Poké Witch!

Misty: What kind of crack addict comes up with a name like Poké Witch? I bet it doesn't even exist.

Ash: Sure it does! The people in that nearby town have heard it in the woods at night, making weird noises.

Misty: I bet it's just some random Pokémon.

Brock: Well, that's what we're going to find out. *turns around camera and grins into it* And we'll come back with the solution to the mystery. The ladies will love me for solving this.

Ash/Misty: Brock!

Brock: Hey, come on, I should get some screentime too.

Misty: Not if you're going to waste it talking about ladies. I think you have some kind of creepy obsession.

Ash: Let's go already! Ready, Pikachu?

Pikachu: Pika!

Brock: Why don't we introduce ourselves first?

Ash: Uh, sure. I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town and I'm going to become a Pokémon Master! *raises hand and makes a V sign*

Misty: *shoves Ash aside* I'm Misty, no last name despite whatever certain people might try to tell you, and I'm from Cerulean City. I hope to become a master of Water Pokémon and I also happen to be the most beautiful girl in the world.

Ash: In your dreams, you mean.

Misty; Why you-! *hits Ash with mallet*

Ash: Owowowowowow...

Brock: No fighting, you two... I'm Brock, the former Gym Leader of Pewter City, and I'm aiming to be a top Pokémon Breeder. I am also hoping to meet a beautiful lady who will take me.

Ash: Before we start looking for the Poké Witch, we're going to go into town and ask people about it.

Misty: You can see it just over that hill. It's called Delusion Town... probably because everyone in there is delusional.

Ash: That's a weird name for a town.

Brock: I can't wait to go say hello to all the pretty ladies!

Misty: (sarcastically) And I can't wait to pull your ear off.

*Everyone goes into the town. Brock continues to film while Ash and Misty approach an old lady on the street*

Ash: Hey, have you heard of the Poké Witch?

Old lady: Sure I have. Everyone in this town knows about the Poké Witch.

Misty: What can you tell us?

Old lady: It's a really old story. Apparently the Poké Witch has been around for years. Why, it was around when I was a little girl.

Ash: Whoah... that must have been like a hundred years ago.

Misty: Ash!

Old lady: You can hear it in the woods at night. It makes the most awful noises and keeps us awake.

Misty: What kind of noises?

Old lady: Oh, such terrible noise, like laughing or screaming... whatever it is, I doubt it's a Pokémon. It's far too noisy.

Ash: Why is it called the Poké Witch?

Old lady: You know, I really have no idea, but I will tell you one thing. People have gone into the woods in search of the Poké Witch... and never come back.

Misty: Seriously?

Ash: Didn't anyone go to look for them?

Old lady: Sure, and they disappeared too.

Brock: Sounds like those woods are dangerous. Ooh! Is that a pretty lady over there? Here, Ash, take this. *shoves camera into Ash's hands and rushes off to accost a random lady in the street*

Ash: And here is Brock flirting with a woman. I wonder what kind of cheesy pick up line he's using this time.

Brock: Your face is like the sun as it casts a radiant glow over the land! Let me be the moon and chase you- ack! *is being pulled away by Misty* Ow! Not the ear!

Ash: ... I swear his pick up lines make no sense sometimes.

Misty: We're supposed to be looking for the Poké Witch, so be serious, Brock!

Brock: Wah...

*Ash, Misty and Brock move on, approaching a teenage girl*

Teenage girl: So, uh, like, I think I totally saw the Poké Witch once.

Misty: Seriously?

Teenage girl: Uh huh. See, I was out camping with some friends, and, like, I broke my fingernail.

Ash: Okay...

Teenage girl: It was really upsetting, like, because I didn't even bring my manicure set.

Misty: ... ... ... *veins are popping on forehead*

Teenage girl: My friends, like, didn't have theirs either. I was so embarrassed, like! They, like, started making fun of me for getting so upset about the broken fingernail. It was totally unfair! Like, my fingernails need to be perfect, you know?

Misty: *growls*

Ash: I think we're about to see something even scarier than the Poké Witch...

Brock: Careful, Ash, don't provoke the Misty.

Teenage girl: So, uh, I ran off to have a good cry, like. It was just so sad... *sniff* So, I was all by myself sitting by the river, and, like, I heard something behind me. I turned around to see this... thing...

Misty: Finally, we're getting somewhere.

Ash: Can you tell us more about this thing?

Teenage girl: Like, it was all creepy and weird looking! It kinda looked like a human, but not really a human... its face was purple, like! I think, like, it was a woman. And it had long blond hair, like... and it kept saying, like... I think it sounded like the word jinx...

Misty: ... ... ...

Ash: ... ... ...

Brock: ... ... ...

Teenage girl: So, like, I screamed and ran back to the camp, like, telling everyone I saw the Poké Witch. We went to look for it, like, but it was totally gone!

Misty: WHAT THE *BEEP* IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU STUPID *BEEP*?! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE SPENT FIVE MINUTES LISTENING TO YOU GO ON ABOUT YOUR FINGERNAILS ONLY TO FIND OUT ALL YOU SAW WAS A *BEEP* JYNX!!!

Brock: Where are those beeps coming from?

Ash: Yikes... Misty's really pissed.

Brock: Let's go and interview someone else now before she kills the poor girl.

Misty: I can't believe that stupid *BEEP*!

*Ash, Misty and Brock wander through the town some more and end up pestering some fishermen by a pond*

Fisherman #1: Poké Witch? Load of old nonsense! Parents just make it up to make their children go to sleep at night.

Fisherman #2: *hiccups and swigs from beer can* I've heard the Poké Witch is a beautiful lady with big titties...

Ash: Titties? What are titties?

Brock: Really!?

Misty: Need... painkillers... *rubs aching head*

Fisherman #1: Then again, other people say she's an ugly old hag with a hunchback.

Brock: I hope it's the first one.

Misty: Brock, you seriously creep me out sometimes.

Ash: Somebody tell me what titties are already...

Misty: No!

Ash: Fine, I'll go ask someone else then, you meanie! *stomps off*

Misty: Get back here! *chases Ash*

Brock: This is ridiculous. Couldn't we have picked a better movie to spoof? *goes after Ash and Misty*

Ash: *is talking to a random girl* Hey, can you tell me what titties are?

Misty: Oh, for crying out loud...

Random girl: These are titties! *lifts up shirt*

Brock: *covers lens in a hurry* Great, just great. How will we be able to show this to anyone now?

Ash: *backs away* ... Okay, I really didn't need to see that.

Misty: Is everyone in this town completely insane?

Brock: You know what? Maybe we ought to just start searching for the Poké Witch now.

Ash: You mean go into the woods?

Misty: The sooner this crap is over and done with, the better.

*Ash, Misty and Brock leave the town and set off into the dark and scary woods*

Ash: So, uh, what are we going to do now?

Misty: I have no idea. Sit around and do nothing?

Brock: That sounds pretty boring...

Misty: It's not like we're spoofing the most exciting movie in the world.

Brock: *sighs* Maybe I should start cooking now. Are you hungry?

Misty: Hmm... I am a bit actually.

Brock: Okay, you hold the camera while I cook.

Misty: Wouldn't it be better to just turn it off?

Brock: What if the Poké Witch appears while I'm cooking?

Misty: Alright, alright... geez... I bet this Poké Witch thing is just bullcrap.

*A long, boring half an hour later, Brock is done cooking and is putting out the food*

Brock: Alright, grub's up! Now let's eat.

Misty: It sure smells good... hey, where's Ash?

Brock: ... Wait, Ash's gone?

Misty: ...

Brock: ...

Misty: We are officially the worst babysitters ever.

Brock: Oh, I'm sure he'll turn up when he's hungry. Anyway, Pikachu must be with him, so I'm sure he's safe.

Misty: *starts eating* How did we not notice Ash leave anyway?

Brock: Dunno. It's pretty odd considering I tend to notice every little thing and state the obvious all the time.

Misty: Yeah...

*Brock and Misty soon finish eating*

Misty: Um, do you think we should go and look for Ash?

Brock: The smell of the food should have brought him back here by now.

Misty: I hope he's not off battling some random Character of the Day he met on his walk.

Brock: Or the Poké Witch might have-

Misty: Don't be ridiculous! The Poké Witch doesn't exist! Now let's go and find Ash.

*Brock and Misty wander around for a while until...*

Brock: Hey, check out that suspicious looking hut just sitting there in the middle of the woods.

Misty: Hmm, we should definitely take a look, even if it's a completely irresponsible and dangerous thing to do.

*Brock and Misty enter the hut*

Misty: *gasp* Isn't that Ash's hat on the floor?

Brock: Ash, are you in here?

Misty: Ash!

*Brock and Misty discover a cellar and make their way down the steps. Misty switches on the light to discover Ash tied up and gagged in a corner of the cellar. Pikachu is also there, trapped in a cage. Suddenly, the door slams behind them.*

Brock: Holy crap!

Misty: *screams* The Poké Witch!

Brock: *drops camera*

*The camera shows Brock and Misty running from something. There are screams, and then silence. The camera suddenly switches off.*

 


End file.
